Before Raising Arizona made it cool to put a panty on your head, before the Dude abided, and way before No Country for Old Men made cattle guns the 'it' thing for the hip killer on the streets, the Coens started off their career with Blood Simple, a flick that brought the Noir of the 40s right into the neon arms of the 80s. While the screenplay was wholly original, the Brothers took the title of their film from a passage in famed pulp novelist Dashiell Hammett's novel Red Harvest. In the novel, Hammett describes blood simple as the addled, fearful mindset of people after a prolonged immersion in violent situations. A perfect term to describe the reactions of many of the characters in the Coen's films, and it fits this film like a glove. Violence, greed, lust, and suspicion are the engine that fuels this film, and with a coterie of astounding performers, the Coen's kicked off their careers with a movie that is anything but simple.

Julian Marty (Dan Heyaya) owns a small Texas bar, but drunk patrons are the least of his worries. He's convinced that his wife Abby (Frances McDormand) is running around on him. So he hires a private investigator, Loren Visser (M. Emmett Walsh), to track her down. When the private eye returns with pictures of Abby and Julian's employee Ray (John Getz) in flagrante delicto, the barman has a bigger job for the gumshoe, he wants the lovers killed. Visser takes the job, but he fakes the pictures of the bullet ridden bodies and double crosses Julian, plugging him with Abby's gun he stole from Ray's house. Soon after, Ray stops by the bar and finds Julian dead and Abby's gun. So thinking he's cleaning up Abby's crime, he hauls the body off to dump in the desert. Only Julian's not quite dead yet. So Ray buries him alive. After telling Abby that he covered her murder, she goes to the office to find it ransacked, unbeknownst to her because Visser left a clue that would lead the cops to him. Instead, she begins to believe that Ray killed Julian. 

I thought more about not reviewing this movie than I ever had any movie before. Not only does it have a reputation as being quite bad, it has the Uwe Boll to back that up. Now I'm not saying that every Boll film is complete trash, but when the man adapts a video game, all bets are off. After making the masterclass in how to make a bad game flick with House of the Dead, Boll returned to console for a pair of big screen translations in the form of Alone in the Dark and today's film, Bloodrayne. Now, while I spent some time with a gamepad in my hand, I never got into the Tomb Raider games or their knockoffs. So I never encountered the vampire hunter Rayne in her original pixelated form. This means I have only a basic Wikipedia based knowledge of her exploits. This is both a good and bad thing. I won't spend eons dissing the movie for not adhering to the source material, but if there was anything redeemable about the character, once Boll's movie is done with her, there's a good chance I'll miss it.

Model turned actress Kristanna Loken, best known as the T-X from Terminator 3, stars as Rayne, a dhampir, the spawn of a human mother and vampire father. In this case, the living dead-beat dad is chief vampire baddie Kagan, Ben Kingsley slumming it. As the film begins, Rayne is the captive of a carnival sideshow, being fed animal blood to show off her "tricks". When she gets a hold of  some human blood, she goes batty killing off the other performers before escaping into the woods. Hot on her trail are two bands of riders. Vladimir (Micheal Madsen), Sebatian (Matthew Davis), and Katrine (Michelle Rodriguez) are vampire hunters and leaders of Kagan's opposition the Brimstone Society. They're out to keep Rayne away from Kagan's forces, lead by the creatively head shaved Domostir (Will Sanderson), before the vampire-in-chief can  get his hands on a powerful talisman that Rayne possess.

Thankfully, Bloodrayne was not a waste of my time. Why you might ask? Here's why..

That's right Michelle Rodriguez in an adventurer outfit entirely unsuited for swordplay. If nothing else in this movie was worth my time watching, then at least I had her screen-time to give me solace. Some people don't like her, those people are wrong. So there. Anyhow, to my great surprise, I actually ended up finding a few other things to like, but don't worry, it's not all a lovefest. I've still got a number of things to hate on. Now I won't even get into Uwe Boll's direction of the film. If you've seen any of his other movies, then you know what that's like. There's a workmanlike diligence to entertainment, and Boll is more than willing to throw in splattery violence, nudity, and just enough of a nonsense plot to get the job done. Bloodrayne hits this standard stride.

The fate of the film kind of falls to the actors, and unfortunately, while there were a couple of inspired performances, many of the players seemed like they were waiting on the check to clear. Much of the film falls on the shoulders of Kristanna Loken, and there's a reason that the T-X didn't have a huge speaking role. Loken, while pretty enough to look at and matches up pretty well to her video game counterpart, just never rallys the viewer into caring about her. She does doff her clothes in a sex scene with Matthew Davis, and many will find this the film's highlight. So it should be noted that the scene is supposedly not simulated, but as the actors as shot from waist up, it would be hard to determine if the only penetration in Bloodrayne came from fangs.

David, sporting an impressive mullet, is so milquetoast that i never had much interest in him either. On the other hand, his partner, played by Micheal Madsen, might have been there for the money, but his lackadaisical performance leads to a few good moments as Madsen plays Vladimir like the most laid back vampire killer since Blade got hooked on Hydrocodone. Rodriguez, apart from filling out her outfit, turns in the films best performance, but I imight be biased. Bloodrayne also gets a shot in the arm from Meat Loaf as a lecherous vamp surrounded by real Romanian hookers, Kingsley bringing a grand presence as Kegan, Udo Keir in a brief appearance as a monk, and Billy Zane in one of the world's worst hairpieces.

So was Bloodrayne a good movie that will inspire me to check out the two sequels that followed (both starring Norwegian actress Natassia Malthe replacing Lokan)? As the kids say these days, hell to the no. While I found myself entertained by Bloodrayne and thankful that the film keeps a pacy delivery the sped the movie along, it didn't inspire confidence that further movies would do more than rehash or rip off successful franchises like Underworld. However, as far as video game movies go, it was far from the worst I've ever seen. Even under the gentle hand of Uwe Boll, Bloodrayne manages to be better than Super Mario Brothers, Tekken, the Tomb Raider films, and Doom combined together. For some reason, the same stories that work on consoles never seem to exactly work on the silver screen as if the experience wouldn't translate if the viewer didn't have a gamepad in their hand. Someday, there will be a video game film that does the same thing The Dark Knight did for comic books, prove that the source material can become a viable artistic vision across mediums. Until then, well, I surely won't say we've got Bloodrayne, but it's there if you want to watch it and stuff.

They say the body is a temple, and that may well be true. If it is, then my temple is a kind of run down, ramshackle type of affair that someone has converted into a funky eatery. Jean-Claude Van Damme's body on the other hand is a lavish, ornate place with all the bells and whistles, gold leaf, bas reliefs, and tapestries galore.  There's no greater example of Van Damme's temple in action than 1988's Bloodsport, the movie that established JCVD as a major action star and catapulted him into the vaulted category with Stallone, Arnold, and Segal. As Jean-Claude stretched, punched, and kicked his way to the top of an underground fighting tournament, the Muscles from Brussels is far from the vulnerable actor he portrayed in the self titled JCVD. This is the young Van Damme who would just as well punch you in the face as impress you with his painful looking splits. Paired with the "true life" story of Frank Dux (pronounced Dookes), Jean-Claude made one of his best action features ever, and a great addition to National Blood Donation Month.

Frank Dux (Van Damme) goes AWOL from the Army in order to travel to Japan to take part in the Kumite, an underground full contact fighting tournament. He travels there to honor his teacher, Senso Tanaka (Roy Chiao), who taught him the way of martial arts after the Senso's own son tragically died. Once in Japan, Frank finds himself to be one of the few Western fighters, and he soon makes friends with Ray (Donald Gibb), a rough and tumble redneck looking to start trouble at the Kumite. Ray taunts champion Cong Li (Bolo Yeung), a decision he would come to regret, and one that pits Frank and Cong Li on a collision course. As the tournament progresses, Frank continues to climb through the single elimination bouts while romancing a journalist and being pursued by American agents sent to bring him back to uncle Sam. Needless to say, he's a busy fellow, but he has time enough for a few montages, a chase sequence to one of the worst songs ever, and to bring his whole body and face into the performance.

This was not Jean-Claude's first film. He had appeared in a number of small parts, sometimes un-credited,  in movies like Breakin' and Missing in Action. Bloodsport is really the movie that made JCVD a household name, and it also should have brought his facial acting skills to the fore of every conversation. I don't know that I can even adequately explain how expressive Van Damme is with his face, and I'm not just talking about when he'd fighting. Surely then he makes tons of grimaces and Bruce Lee-eque poses, but what I'm talking about is in his downtime. Before he even starts a line, he contorts his face into the emotion he's about to deliver. This is very handy if you're watching the film with the sound off, and you might as well. Bloodsport is an action packed film that fun to watch, but if you signed on for plot advancement that doesn't involve someone getting smacked around, then you're going to run into some difficulty here. The lack of plot really doesn't hinder Bloodsport, but it is very interesting to see how bare bones the plot (and Jean-Claude's acting) was compared to later films in his oeuvre.

Bloodsport was the last film directed by Newt Arnold. He was primarily a second unit or assistant director for films like The Goonies, Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, and Alien Nation, and he had not directed his own feature since 1971's Blood Thrist, a Manila based horror tale. I found the style of capturing the action filmed by Arnold and cinematographer David Worth (Never Too Young To Die) to be perfect for actually seeing the fights. One of my big criticisms of modern action films is that the violence is always films from so close up that it is impossible to tell what is going on. Arnold fills his movie with wife shots and well placed close-ups. Sure there were a number of occasions where the angles didn't do the choreography any favors, but the blows that look like they landed home convinced me well enough that I don't want to do any full contact fighting. It also made me long for the olden days of MMA before that became all about sweaty dudes laying on a mat. Back then you could see a Sumo go up against a Muey Thai fighter, and it was awesome. That's truly one of the best parts of Bloodsport. Who doesn't want to see the guy fighting like a monkey get bear hugged til he passes out? Who doesn't want to see a Kung Fu fighter brawl with a redneck? Commies, that's who.

Donald Gibb is perhaps known best to folks as Ogre from the Revenge of the Nerds films, but I really enjoyed seeing him take on a character with a bit more personality. Plus, in his first scene, he plays the old school Karate Champ game with Van Damme, and that is just cool. I wish I could be as enthusiastic about Leah Ayres as Frank's journalist gal pal. The love story is extremely wedged into the story, and Ms. Ayres makes no impression in her few scenes. Other than the fact that she's just about the only woman in the movie, I couldn't see a reason that Frank's character would go for her. I needed her to be a bit more Gracie Law (Kim Cattrall in Big Touble in Little China) and less of a wan love interest. The two other actors who really make an impression are Bolo Yeung and Ken Siu. Yeung looms large, literally, over the proceedings as Chong Li, and his presence gives the film some real teeth. Ken Siu has only a minor role as Victor Lin, but his giant glasses and Asian mullet are hard to forget. I should also mention that Forrest Whitaker also has a small role as one of the agents sent to get Frank Dux back. He's barely in the film, but anytime he was, I couldn't help but think about a throw-down between JCVD and Ghost Dog.


Bloodsport is a great example of where '80's action went right. It wasn't convoluted with jingoistic anthems like many of the Chuck Norris movies. It wasn't teeming with guns like Stallone's flicks. It didn't take a science fiction or supernatural bent like Arnold favored. It was a straight up flick about a martial arts tournament done right. It had that same headlong feeling that I get watching Enter the Dragon. From stem to stern, Bloodsport goes for the jugular, rips it out bare handed, lets it spray all over the room, and it dares you to not have a good time. While much of Van Damme's other movies are hit and miss, these early movies like Bloodsport and Kickboxer show a martial artist who is desperate to show the world what he can do. Now that often seems to mean the splits, but it also means some very real kicking ass.

Ask any vampire (go ahead, find one, I'll wait), and they will tell you that there is no place they would rather have their castle located than in the middle of a Arizona desert with hardly a tree or bit of shade to be found. Okay, maybe they wouldn't, unless they were that glittering, gibbering fool Edward Cullen, but if you're Count Dracula in an Al Adamson film, there's no better digs to have. Al is a cult movie legend. From films like Satan's Sadists to Blazing Stewardesses and Black Samurai, he left an enduring mark on horror, trash, and sleaze cinema in his all too brief eighteen year career. Today's film was his third directorial effort, and much like H.G. Lewis did with A Taste of Blood, Adamson was looking for a way to bring one of horror's greatest figures into the 1960's. However, unlike Lewis, Al wasn't going to settle for a Dracula surrogate, he was going to go for the real deal. So along with a psycho killer and a lunatic (and I'm not talking about the director), Dracula moved into a sandy castle intent of sipping the Bloodiest of all Marys.

Glen Cannon (Gene O'Shayne) is a photographer for Universal Magazine. One day while snapping shots of his model girlfriend Liz (Jennifer Bishop), Glen receives a telegram telling him that he's inherited a castle in Arizona from his distant Uncle. The castle is currently occupied by Count and Countess Townsend (a.k.a The Draculas) (Alexander D'Arcy and Paula Raymond), their moon worshiping butler George (John Carradine), the Frankenstein monster's cousin Mango (Ray Young) and close friend Johnny (Robert Dix), a psycho who gets extremely nutty during a full moon. Glen and Liz travel to Arizona to take possession of the castle, but the Count and crew are not ready to vacate. After all, they have a full basement of nubile your lasses chained up in the basement to drain. Imprisoning the young couple, the blood drinkers prepare for a sacrifice to the Moon god Luna, and one way or another, they intend to keep their desert home.

One of the things that's nice about this film is that the title helps answer an age old question, how do you get blood from a stone? Apparently, from the stones that make up Dracula's Arizona castle (which was really a Castle shaped ranch in California). It also raises quite a few though. Like "What happened to Dracula's pointed teeth?", "How did the terror of Transylvania get to the sun-drenched climes of Arizona?", and  "John Carradine,  why?" Unfortunately, none of these other questions get answered. While Blood of Dracula's Castle is not one of Adamson's greater efforts, it is a highly entertaining film. Despite the fact that the transfer I watched (from Mill Creek's Undead: Vampire Collection) was scratched and flawed beyond belief, I was completely entertained by the silliness that unfolded for ninety minutes. I can't say that it was a well made film, but it was a film that seemed aware that it would be good for a laugh. That goes a long way in my book.

Topping my list of the film's enjoyable bit would have to be the performance of Alexander D'Arcy. The Egyptian born actor was nearing the end of his career which began in 1927 with a small role in The Garden of Allah. IMDB describes D'Arcy as playing "oily types", and that pretty much sums the Count. With a pencil thin mustache, slicked back hair, and a smile that would make Mitt Romney weep, D'Arcy oozes his way through the film as Townsend/Dracula, and I loved every moment. His companion, the Countess, was originally a role intended for Jayne Mansfield, but when the actress passed, it went to Paula Raymond. Paula has appeared in many Noir films such as City that Never Sleeps, but her acting career was derailed in 1962 when her nose was severed in a car accident. After extensive plastic surgery, she returned to acting, but if her appearance in Blood of Dracula's Castle is any indication, she never reclaimed her former beauty (she did have nice gams though).

John Carradine is a delight as George the butler. If there's something that just about any film could use, it's a Carradine. John gets deeply hammy waxing poetic about the moon god, and playing off hothead Robert Dix,  he gets a number of great moments. Dix was also an acting veteran having appeared in films such as Sam Fuller's Forty Guns and Forbidden Planet. The cast is brilliant until you arrive at the protagonists. Gene Otis Shayne, whose last credit was 'Dancer' on The Monkees, and Jennifer Bishop, one of the original Hee Haw Honeys, are easily the worst part of Blood of Dracula's Castle. They try hard to muster up some charisma, but are easily overshadowed by the veterans. If these two characters could have been more realized, the entire flick could have overcome some of the cinematic flaws with the complete, quirky spin on the monster team-ups like House of Frankenstein. 


Some people have said that Al Adamson is an acquired taste. I don't know who these folks are that need time to ease into something as awesome as Al. His films are the kind that make me long for a Drive-in Theater playing double features culled from his career. Blood of Dracula's Castle is far from a perfect film. The story wanders all over the map (and varies according to what cut you watch), the lead actors are lame to the point of tragedy, and the film making never rises above standard. However, there's a ton of heart in this film. There's a lot of fun to be had while watching it, and there is such a thing as that long cliched beast the "so bad it's good" film. For horror fans and cult cinema junkies, Blood of Dracula's Castle is an excellent way to spend ninety minutes. If you're one of the high minded film snobby types, then Adamson's movies were never for you in the first place. For the rest of us, there's dozens out there for our enjoyment, and Blood of Dracula's Castle is a great place to start, or continue, an Al Adamson movie addiction.