Once again it’s time for the Deadly Doll’s pick, and this month Emily from The Deadly Doll’s House of Horror Nonsense has chosen a film that she has really wanted me to see, 1995’s Rumpelstiltskin. (My choice for her was 2008’s While She Was Out.) However, before I get into the film, I want to talk a little about the story on which it’s based. The original Fairy Tale made its debut in the 1812 Brothers Grimm book Children’s and Household Tales. The origin of the tale about an impish magical figure who performs a service in trade for a child reaches back as far as the 16th century, and similar characters appear in the folklore of a number of cultures. The Brothers Grimm tale puts its focus on differing views of Paganism, how greed measures up to human life, and the power of naming things.

When you get down to it, Rumpelstiltskin, though monstrous in appearance, is one of the more sympathetic characters in the story. He keeps his end of the bargain, utters the unarguable statement, “A living thing is more dear to me than all the treasures of earth.”, and even gives the miller’s daughter, then the Queen, a chance to win her child back. Sure I assume he wants the baby to eat it, but honestly the Queen was willing to trade her child's life for her own and the King was willing to kill his betrothed if she couldn’t spin straw into gold. These are not model parents. Speaking of parents, springing from the mind of Leprechaun writer/director Mark Jones, Rumpelstiltskin (1995) dispenses with the straw, the kings, and the deals and attempts to bring the Grimm character into the nineties.

The film begins in the 1400’s with Rumpelstiltskin (Max Grodinchik) being chased by an angry mob from town who want the imp to give the baby back. (As none of the crowd seems particularly well dressed I assume they dispense with the whole King thing, and there seems to be no mention of naming.) Somehow, it’s kind of unclear, Rumpelstiltskin gets hoodooed, turned into a stone, and cursed to stay that way for 1000 years or until someone with a baby makes a tearful wish. That seems like a tall order, but jump forward five centuries to widowed wife Shelley (Kim Johnston Ulrich). Her husband, a policeman, was killed in the line of duty while she was pregnant. Nearly a year later, she goes shopping with a friend and picks up a strange and ugly little sculpture, one she holds while wishing that her husband was still alive. After making her wish come true (at least for one night), the newly freed Rumpelstiltskin picks up right where he left off and begins to come after Shelley’s baby. Shelley goes on the run eventually finding her only ally in loudmouth talk show host Max Bergman (Tommy Blaze), but Rumpelstiltskin won’t be stopped that easily once a bargain has been struck.

Unlike the miller’s daughter turned Queen in the original Fairy Tale, distressed mother Shelley didn’t make a deal as much as be sad while holding a statue she bought. The derivations from the brother’s Grimm tale don’t start or end there (unless I missed the part where Rumpy chased the Queen across the kingdom in a 16 wheeler), but I think that distinction is important to note. If you go into this film expecting a rendition of the tale which might jibe with the original tale, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. However if you like Leprechaun films, then you’re in luck. Rumpelstiltskin references The A-Team (“I love it when a plan comes together”), drives motorcycles, and delivers bon mots like, “Fucketh Me.” Yeah, it’s that kind of movie, totally silly and completely fun.

Much of the film comes courtesy of Max Grodinchik. He has appeared in everything from Barton Fink and The Rocketeer to Bruce Almighty and King of California, but I know him best as the simple sounding Feringi Rom on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. While Grodinchik plays the role with his tongue firmly in his cheek delivering lines like “It took many good blacksmiths to make that I imagine” before climbing in and driving off in a big rig. That’s right. He has no idea what it is, but a 15th century boggart can drive a truck. However he does imbue the character with enough menace that the events of the film don’t ever descend into complete foolishness. During the climax, Rumpy dispenses with the one-liners and actually comes off as a genuine force of evil. Though admittedly this part doesn’t last long he does want to suck the soul out of a baby, and no matter what way you look at it that doesn’t sound good. The gold standard for smart mouthed, short statured, killing machines is obviously Warwick Davis’ Leprechaun. So how does Rumpy stack up? Well, he never made it to the Hood or to Space so that should tell you something.

The film’s lead character is Shelley played by Kim Johnston Ulrich. While Ulrich gives a fair performance, she is constantly overshadowed by every other character around her. No matter if it’s her best friend (played by Moonlighting’s Allyce Beasley), an aged witch (Vera Lockwood), or her husband’s old boss (character actor Jack McGee in a small, small role), Shelley easily fades into the film’s atmosphere where she should have been an emotional center. This is never more readily illustrated than when she meets up with Morton Downey-esque talk show host Max Bergman (Tommy Blaze) while on the run from the baby bandit. Bergman’s character is briefly (and strangely) established earlier when Shelley is watching TV, but once he shows up to match Rumpy with zingers, run away from a truck in a dune buggy, and generally liven up the atmosphere, they should have just turned over the movie to him. Tommy Blaze, who was then a touring club comic (now a reformed Christian comic who surely disowns what may have been his best work ever), really nails the sleazy guy with a nice guy center role and easily is the best part of the film beyond the titular character.

Now I haven’t talked much about writer/director Mark Jones except to say that he also penned and directed Leprechaun. Now I don’t know what kind of situation erupted that precluded his taking part in Leprechaun II (1994), but it does seem like he just decided to try another variation of the short killer who is the stuff of storybooks. Working with writer/producer Joe Ruby, whose credits include episodes of Scooby Doo, The Hair Bear Bunch, and The Funky Phantom, it’s no wonder that Rumpelstiltskin has a tendency to seem like an R rated cartoon. Stylistically there is little to say about the film. There are no impressive flourishes, but rather a solid, stock treatment that delivers but doesn’t impress. The only other notably odd choice in the film was the music which sounded mostly like mid-nineties pap except for the appearance of Flock of Seagulls’ hit song “I Ran” which I’m sure now a film with this low budget could probably not afford.

The tagline of Rumpelstiltskin reads, “When the Fairy Tale ends, the nightmare begins.”, but how it should read is “When the Fairy Tale ends, there will be endless wisecracks, the 15th century baddie will have a firm grasp on both modern machinery and pop culture, the lead actress will be completely forgettable, and then the nightmare begins.” There is precious little here that was nightmarish, but there was also precious little that I didn’t enjoy watching. This is the kind of flick you want to put on when you’re feeling a little bummed, when friends are coming by, or as a double feature with Leprechaun or Troll 2. It’s a completely silly bit of legendsploitaton that I can’t thank Emily enough for recommending for our monthly swap. This has been our seventh month doing this feature, and I love it every time. It’s really been a highlight of my year and I can’t wait to see what Emily chooses for me in 2011.

Hey folks. As I'm still a bit pressed for time in the holiday rush, I wanted to post something for Hitch on the Hump today so I thought I would scout around and see if I could find videos of any of Hitch's personal appearances on Television over the years. YouTube was a treasure trove of videos of all kinds, and I want to share three that I really enjoyed with you folks today. First off, here's Alfred on a 1954 episode of 'What's My Line?'. For the younguns out there, 'What's My Line?' was a game show wherein a three person blindfolded panel asks questions of someone in order to determine their profession, or in this case, their identity. When I first saw this I thought, "Well, that should be easy. As soon as he opens his mouth they will all know." Then it occurred to me in 1954 everyone didn't know what Hitchcock sounded like, and Alfred made allowances himself speaking in a rather broadly terrible French accent.




I hope you enjoyed this roundup of Hitchcock clips, and I'll be back next week with a proper review. Plus next month I have two guest posts from a couple of wonderful folks who are set to blow you away. So I'll see you next week for that, and y'all join me back here tomorrow for the monthly Deadly Doll's Pick!

Heya, folks. I had so much fun with short films over the holidays I decided to make it a semi regular thing. So here and there look out for installments of The Lair’s newest feature, Buggin’ On Shorts. Why is it called that? I have no clue. I was the first thought that popped in my mind and I went with it. Today’s short is one I’ve wanted to see for a long, long time. While Sam Raimi might have embroiled himself in the Spider Man franchise (1 out of 3 ain’t bad), an all female western (which I like personally), and a baseball movie (Seriously? WTF?), over the years, when it gets down to brass tacks, Sam’s a horror guy, and that had to  start somewhere

Raimi made his first film in 1977 with the campy mystery It’s Murder featuring a young Bruce Campbell, and there was literally no looking back from there. Raimi’s third film Within the Woods (also with Campbell) is one I’ve seen many times, and I always enjoy seeing the potential he put forth in these early films. Today’s short was Raimi‘s second short film, Clockwork, and when I say short I mean short. While It’s Murder runs over an hour and Within the Woods clocks in at 32 minutes, Clockwork only makes it barely past the 6 minute mark. That’s not to say it doesn’t pack a punch, and show off Sam Raimi’s very first cinematic moments of horror.

The film stars Cheryl Guttridge as a woman returning home, and future writer/ producer/ Intruder director Scott Spiegel as a psycho killer coming to get her. Why? No time to say, and I mean literally. With no dialog at all the in the short, Raimi pulls out all the stops from  the strange, disconcerting soundtrack to clever movements of the camera that hint at the Sam Raimi who would helm Evil Dead not more than three years later. Clockwork,  filmed before Within the Woods, was as Bruce Campbell says in If Chins Could Kill “a test”.

The test would lead to a prototype (Within the Woods) which would eventually lead up to a finished work (Evil Dead). Without these six minutes, there is no way of telling if Sam Raimi would have ended up directing one of the biggest franchises in the world, if Bruce Campbell would have appeared in all those Old Spice commercials, or if Scott Spiegel would have directed Hostel III (Hey, Scott. You can’t win ‘em all buddy) So that about wraps it up for today. If I go on much longer it’s going to take you folks more than six minutes to read this, and that doesn’t seem fair. So I hope you check it out and let me know what you think, and until later this has been me, T.L. Bugg and I’ve been Buggin’ On Shorts.

First things first, this will the be first Hitch on the Hump post about something that the Master of Suspense was not directly involved in making. Last week, I talked a little about the Christmas episode of his eponymous television show that Hitch directed. This one he did not, but this strange teleplay by Marion Cockrell comes across today like a prehistoric version of Bad Santa. Cockrell penned eleven episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents along with a handful of the Adam West Batman series, and here she was paired with journeyman TV director Don Weis. So you might wonder where Hitch is this week, well I think Alma has him helping with preparations for Christmas Dinner. Next week Hitch on the Hump will return full length and fully Hitch, but until then enjoy this episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents. 

Since I haven't talked about any cartoons so far, I thought I would talk about several today. First up I have a Castle Films 1946 adaptation of The Night Before Christmas. This one cheats on the cartoon angle a bit by mixing it up with live action, but I really love how it's put together.

When I stumbled across this one I had pretty low expectations. The killer Santa field is pretty crowded, and a Christmas horror short that didn't mention its holiday affiliation in the title left me a bit uneasy. However when the title cards announced, The Holiday Classic....


I was somewhat intrigued. After all, there was festive holiday lettering. As the film started, with a father and mother arguing over who was going to take their boy on Christmas, I wondered if they had enough time to get this going in twelve minutes. However when this guy showed up....


...and offed the crazy mom, I wondered why Jack Skellington in Ray Bans was killing people. With only about four minutes left in the film all there's time for is sneaking into the house....


...and as I assume killing everyone else in the vaguest, least gory ways possible. I assume Jack/Santa Killington offed everyone including the kid. Why? I have no idea.


The best shorts create a good story arc quickly and execute it, but Axe Massacre surely only deserves a lump of coal. Christmas slasher fans will want to check it out if they insist on being completest, and luckily it can be found in whole at Youtube.

Making it's debut in 1985, when he was still struggling as Production Assistant, future 2001 Maniacs director Tim Sullivan cut his teeth on A Christmas Treat,a short and sweet holiday horror entry. There's little I can tell you about this one because it's only four minutes long, and I would hate for you folks to be reading longer than watching. All I'll say is that there is a good reason that your parents want you to stay in bed on Christmas night!

For those of you not familiar with the DC Comics character Lobo, imagine, if you will, if Mad Max was a biker from space with the attitude of a WWE wrestler and the politeness of Charlie Sheen on a date with a porn star. That gets pretty close, but still doesn't explain who the intergalactic badass is. Lobo's Paramilitary Xmas Special (2002), based on the comic one shot of the same name, was directed by Scott Leberecht. At the time, Leberecht was a film student and scraped together a budget of $2,400 for the project. The director, who had previously worked in visual effects on films like Spawn and Flubber, has since directed a few other shorts, but is slated to make his feature debut in 2011 with the sensitive vampire tale Midnight Son. Lobo's Paramilitary Xmas Special also stars Andrew Byniarski, best known to horror fans as Leatherface in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot. It's a real shame that his best known character only emotes with grunting and power tools because Byniarski really brings Lobo to life.

I'm going to include a couple of pictures here, but better yet, I've found the whole shebang to embed here. If you have any doubts about checking it out, let me give you the final selling point, the plot. Lobo is hired by The Easter Bunny, who is tired of being second best, to take out Jolly St. Nick. You can't tell me that doesn't make you want to press play!

Black Santa's Revenge is a short I've meant to catch up with for years, but it took doing this series of Christmas Shorts to remind me of it. Starring Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead) and based on a 6 page comic that appeared in the magazine BadAzzMofo, Black Santa's Revenge is as close as anyone will ever come to blaxploitation for Christmas. Foree stars as the titular Black Santa, a guy who may not be so nice all year (as evidenced by his playing of dice in the opening scene), but takes time out to play Santa at the community rec center. When a group of thugs steals all the donated toys, Black Santa is both distraught at the thought of all the children who will not get the presents and furious at the cops who think he's involved. While having a drink in a strip club (still wearing his Santa suit of course), he spots one of the thugs that stole all the toys. Naturally, from there, Black Santa takes his revenge.

Playing out like a Rankin Bass special broadcast to mugwumps, William Burroughs The Junky's Christmas is a small, strange entry into the world of Christmas cinema. Based on a 1989 story from Burroughs'collection Interzone, the story had previously been adapted into audio format on the album Spare Ass Annie and Other Tales. Some strange partnership between Francis Ford Coppola and VH1 film allowed directors Nick Donkin and Melodie McDaniel (Tori Amos' video "God", Madonna's "Secret") to make this stop action short featuring new narration of the tale by the beat writer. If you're a fan of William's, or enjoy stop motion animation I encourage you to check this one out.  I have a few screenshots to share with you, and then you can find the whole film from youtube at the bottom. Make sure you stick around after the main story ends for a short holiday meal with Old Bull Lee where he cuts the turkey with a switchblade.

I'm going to pretty much let this classic episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents speak for itself, but the story, based on a John Collier story first published in 1939, speaks volumes. I encourage everyone to check out the episode and then read this article from the Senses of Cinema blog written by Hitchcock author Ken Mogg. He digs way deeper into the TV show in this article than anyone I've ever seen. Christmas isn't the main theme of the show as much as a plot point, but it is one of the only Holiday-ish offerings from the Master of Suspense. Well there's this Bodega Bay ornament....

In 1964, Rod Serling, coming off the fifth season of his popular television show Twilight Zone, penned this retelling of the Charles Dickens classic A Christmas Carol. In Carol for Another Christmas, sponsored by Xerox and produced in association with the United Nations, Daniel Grudge (Sterling Hayden) is a wealthy industrialist, but he has never gotten over the death of his son (Peter Fonda who was cut out of the completed film) in World War II. He steadfastly calls for the United States to become an isolationist state, and, oh yeah, he doesn't seem to care about Christmas very much either. As you may guess Grudge is visited by three ghosts, The Ghost of Christmas Past (Steve Lawrence), Christmas Present (Pat Hingle), and Christmas Future (Robert Shaw) before he changes his wicked ways and professes a love for a united world. Along the way he also crosses paths with Eva Marie Saint, Britt Ekland, Peter Sellers, and Ben Gazarra. Basically it's the stuff that Glen Beck's nightmares are made of, and that might explain why it was never re-aired and never released to the public in any kind of fashion.This production is also noteworthy of being the first and only time that director Joseph Mankiewicz (Sleuth, Guys and Dolls, All About Eve) worked in Television.

While I got a chance to see the completed thing, I couldn't find any video to embed for you folks so here's a number of screenshots to give you a taste of what it was like.