Greetings, everyone. The Lightning Bug transmitting another review from my secret lair on the moon, and have we got a good one for you. This flick is awesome. Some great gore. Hardcore graphic sex from some really hot chicks. A totally original plot that’s never been heard of before. Even an ending that is so great you’ll be pissing your pants.
Do you believe me?
Crap. Oh well, then I was about as convincing as this hunk of junk.
April Fools Day (1986) starring Deborah Forman, Ken Olant, Amy Steel, and Clayton Rohner. Directed by Fred Walton.
Muffy St. John invites her friends up for a party at her lake house. Muffy and her friends are all ivy leaguers, and it seems they are about to graduate school. The group of party goers start to pull pranks on each other before they even get to the house, and one of them goes awry when one of the ferry workers gets his face crushed against a dock. Then at dinner Muffy seems to have a few surprises planned as well. There are dribble glasses, bendy legs on chairs, and exploding cigars. After dinner as the party goers retire to their room, they discover some rather cruel things planted in their room; S&M toys, a heroin setup, a tape of a baby crying in one girls room (it’s later revealed that she had an abortion). Starting over that night and into the next day, the kids start to get picked off.
The kids suspect that the ferry worker is behind it, but when the local constable finally calls, he tells them to stay together and to keep an eye especially on Muffy. She has been acting more and more weird over the course of the day and goes from pretty ivy leaguer to mousy hospital shoe wearing weirdo. The kids of course immediately split up, the bodies start to fall again. They are whittled down until there’s no one left but Rob and Kit who discover clues that lead them to believe that Muffy has a crazy twin sister named Buffy. They get cornered by Buffy and it looks like lights out for them, (DO NOT READ ON FROM HERE UNLESS YOU WANT THIS PIECE OF CRAP SPOILERED) but then they run into another room and there’s all their dead friends sitting around having a fine old time. Seems Muffy’s graduation plans are to turn the old lake-house into a murder mystery inn, and she used all her friends as a dress rehearsal of sorts. The credits roll, and all you’re left with is an overwhelming sense of disappointment.
April Fools Day is a retelling of Agatha Christie’s novel And Then There Were None, but it holds no redeeming qualities in which the grande dame of mystery writers could take pride. The plot moves briskly enough, but the big twist ending I had figured about before the movie’s halfway mark. I did enjoy seeing all the eighties styles, and some of the dialog was enjoyable. The killings all happen off screen, and the corpses we see are essentially bloodless. I suppose seeing as how the movie ended this made sense, but comparing it to other ’80’s flicks, it just can’t hold its own.
Miss Directed was watching this film with me, and told me that when she was young, she and her sister were about to see this movie and snuck out to see Rad instead. That seems like a good bit of advice. So, if you’re looking for a good old fashioned thrill ride or some slasher goodness, then look elsewhere. I felt like a fool for spending my hard earned moon bucks on it, and making the Bug feel like a fool is not kosher at all. So back to my lab to work on a ray that will destroy all copies of this movie (and it’s equally unnecessary remake). Until next time faithful Moonies, LB signing out.