Hey, Bugg here with the Ladies of the Lair for another installment of Ladies Night. I don’t really have a clever lead in on this one. I just want to say that I sat through this film with the Ladies, and I want to assure you that every word, however brief, is true.
Blown (2005) starring Cory Busboom, Jeff Dolniak, Dan Erbach, and Joanna Greene. Directed by David C. Hayes and Billy Koning.
Esmeralda is a voodoo priestess who is about fed up with the loud parties and carrying on coming from next door. When her call to the police is ignored, she takes matters into her own hands. She conjures a dismembered blue head to help her place a curse on the fellows next door, but the cost is her own life. Esmeralda’s spirit then possesses a blow up doll that her neighbors had purchased for a bachelor party, and she begins to take her vengeance, her blow up, open-mouthed vengeance.
Killer blow up dolls and unsuspecting partygoers sounds like mindless fun, right? Well, you are mistaken, and so was I. There’s another movie by Hayes and Koning called Silo Killer, which I had seen and quite liked. The last half of that flick is the only reason I even bothered to check out Blown, but I wish I had not. I will fully admit I like some terrible movies, but only if something, the effects, the humor, the acting, is done well.
The plot of a killer blow up doll letting loose on a bachelor party could be entertaining in other hands. However all Hayes and Koning can muster her is bad dialog, bare breasts, an abundance of dildos, and, of course, the doll. I do not recommend this film to ANYONE, and I wish I could get that part of my life back. There is a plus side to this I suppose. A really, truly bad film makes those great bad films look even better!
Before I saw this movie, the plot did really sound funny. I was expecting something akin to a Troma film. By that I mean, it might rot your brain a little but the sweet taste of funny would more than make up for it. Oh, Lloyd Kaufman, you make it looks so easy adding so much low budget awesome to the world. I will be ever grateful that you have inspired the camcorder carrying masses to try their hand at making a movie. Sometimes we end up with a gem like Project: Valkyrie, and sometimes we end up with a mess like Blown
The concept of Blown is fun and there are moments I giggled, but I found no all out belly laughs. The closest was watching the blue head that Esmeralda summoned deliver an amusing little monologue. There were also great big holes in the movie filled in by the narration of the Professor, and he did really commit to his role. That might just be the most scathing thing I can say about a movie. If it depends that much on narration, it has failed as a story. Now to be fair, these guys did not have unlimited resources to work with. On the other hand fleshing out ideas fully on paper is free.